Casting Couch

"Whether you’re hiding from the KGB, working as 007, or pretending you’re a married man to please your mother, every now and again you’ll find it necessary to create an alternate life. And while you can get alarmingly far with just a bogus ,doctored passport, and a set of Armani glasses, eventually you’ll need to produce a human being to corroborate your story. That’s when you’ll need an actor.

“But actors are whiny and self-centered.” True, but they’re also professional liars and –- as an added bonus –- very, very hot :).

“How do I go about hiring these masters of deceit?” You’ll need to generate a character description and post it with a casting service or local newspaper. Before you complain about all that work, remember: You’ll be rewarded with hundreds of pictures of hot strangers(read girls only) sent right to your home...free.

Below are some notices I sent out recently when trying to cast a fake family so that my mother would love me. Enjoy!

CASTING CALL!

Role:Mrs. Goel. My Fortuitous wife ... Despite birthing a son has not lost her figure. In fact, might look better than she used to.

Project: “The Goels” on the lines of The Simpsons(I have never really watched it beyond 2 minutes..bt wud want to sm day) A living theater experiment in which we fool my mother into thinking I have a wife and son. Intermittent gigs over the next twenty years.

Director:Ofcourse me – the visionary web-cam auteur who brought you raw classics

Pay: Scale.

Seeking: Female, 18 – 29, energetic, extremely attractive. Like, at least a 9.

Skills:

1. -- Hot -- like, at least a 9
2. -- Must provide own swim suits(ok ok ..i can do that myself)...whatever “sexy outfits” a married women might have
3. -- Willingness to perform own stunts
4. -- Willing to do anything for the scene

Notes:

1. -- Other minute details are negotiable in the contract..
   
2. -- Great first-time role: U cud be on ur way to bollywood..u knw how niche' roles get u those damn awards
   

Please send headshots, resumes, and other pictures to shivamgoel@gmail.com

Epilogue:am listening to pretty much those old songs only...